Can I Still Blog From Jail?
Thursday, June 18, 2009 at 10:49PM 
This morning I was especially groggy but I got up and got everyone out the door except the baby. The baby is 12 and was running behind so I decided to drive her to school. We went on our way and without breaking any major traffic laws I got her to school with about 5 minutes to spare.
“What shall I do with 5 minutes to spare?” I asked myself. Self, let’s drive through that subdivision we are thinking of moving to and get a feel for what it looks like in the morning hours. I had looked at a home in there just the day before. I took a zillion pictures to show the family and see what they thought of it. Currently I am a renter after 2 decades of being a home owner. The good part about that is when housing values are dropping (like a brick here in Michigan) renting is financially quite sensible. The bad thing is when the person who owns your home returns from working overseas you might have to move even if you don’t feel like it.
Anyway, back to my drive-about story. I was scouting out this new neighborhood, gathering information, kind of like the census bureau. Legally, Realtors cannot discuss with potential buyers if there are lots of kids in the hood, are the people friendly, do they keep up the yards and maintain their homes properly. Being a person who has bought a lot of homes I have learned all the tricks of figuring out if a neighborhood is a good fit. After a few turns around each street I noted a home with some landscaping features I thought were note worthy. As any blogger worth her salt would do, I reached for my camera, stopped my car, got out to peek over the hood and snapped a few pictures. Then I moved forward to the other side of the house and repeated the procedure. Didn’t I tell you I was a professional?
I noted how many kids were getting on the elementary bus, they’re a bit young for my girls but could lead to some potential babysitting dollars. One more quick turn around the area and I motor on to go back home. It’s raining anyway. I saw one lady on her driveway in the drizzle waving to her neighbor on the porch across the street. That’s a good sign, this could be a real friendly little place. Then I noticed the lady trotting out in the street after I drive by and she was kind of holding her cell phone up (like you do when you’re taking a picture). I shrugged, that’s a little odd but my mind has already moved on to my to do list for the day.
I’d say it took me all of 5 minutes to drive back to my house a few miles away. Easy peasy. I pulled into the bat cave, closed the door and proceeded to put away the last few things in the kitchen when my doorbell rang. Shushing the big beast who was now going all Kujo, I open the door to the local police! Dear God this isn’t a party, what is one of those strippers doing here? No such luck, he’s here on official business. He wants to know if I am the registered owner of a 2009 Ford Flex and was I driving on XYZ Street this morning at 8:30? HOLY SHIT BATMAN! WHAT DID I DO NOW? Where’s that dumb blond act when I really need it? Oh, I’m not acting. Didn’t break any laws that I know of....when is the last time I had an alcoholic drink (2 days ago?)...OMG I’d better call Lawyer Mom right away (rats this isn’t Texas). I’m pretty sure I didn’t commit any crimes today...oh no, what did those damn kids do now?
I had a very quick talk with myself, “man up woman, don’t act like a twit”. I looked up at that 200 pound 6 foot guy packing heat on his belt and said, “ yes, I am the owner and yes, I was driving on XYZ Street just a few minutes ago”. As serious as he could be, he proceeded to tell me that someone called to complain that she observed me taking a picture of her car and when she waved at me ( I guess she wanted to interrogate me herself) I just drove by. Obviously puzzled, I explained, "I was looking at a home in that neighborhood and stopped to take a picture of someone’s landscaping that was cleverly hiding their garbage cans from view, which was important because currently I have a 3 car garage and those homes only had 2 car garages so I wondering where do you put your garbage cans"? Now I‘m blabbering. Come to think of it , now I’m mad, because this is really stupid.
Why am I explaining my mundane activities to this guy? Have I not watched enough TV to know you are not supposed to blab to the po po and tell them answers to questions they haven’t thought of asking. I always have my pocket sized digital camera with me and I wear the hair off that thing using it to collect and retain all sorts of information. As a not really employed anymore realtor and designer I take pictures of lots of houses, decorating ideas I like, landscaping. I shop for furniture, drapery fabrics, pillows and, art for other people. I take pictures of my finds, the price tags, you name it. I email the evidence and it saves me a lot of time, a lot of returns, makes me efficient and earth friendly. Hallehlua.
Back to my front porch where I’m still standing face to face with Robocop. I make an attempt to channel my inner bitch and give him my best “So?” look. He says, “well evidently this woman was very upset and suspicious that were you taking pictures of her car”. Finally, the Mayor arrives and I said, “Look, you just checked my license plate and you know that I have a new 2009 Flex parked in my garage, why would I possibly want some old, hideous orange Honda?” I don’t want her car Einstein. I guess I must have finally shown some authority because he thanked me and left.
So much for finding a nice friendly neighborhood. More like white picket fence freaky Stepford world. The kind of place they pick one virgin from the cul de sac to sacrifice on the alter of community safety every leap year. I don’t want your pathetic car bizzo, or your kid. Well, I might want it if it was a Audi RS4 or if your kid was sure to become professional athlete who can take care of his mother in her old age.
Seriously, you’d think it would make me feel all warm and fuzzy to know what an attentive police force we have in our town. They have so much time on their hands they can respond to a complaint of no crime whatsoever in less than 5 minutes. Impressive. Not really, it’s a little confounding to think at a time when most cities are experiencing a loss of revenue due to a drop in property values (and taxes) that our city can afford to send officers out on nonsense like this. They are planning layoffs at the schools, cutting back city services, so why is there enough police personnel to investigate non crimes?
It’s not a very efficient use of resources in my opinion. If you know anything about the Mayor, you know I admire efficiency, common sense and a practical approach. What alarms me about this “house call” by my local police that it seems like another example of government over reaching. And while this guy is cooling his heels on my porch he might be a little less available to respond to something like what happened an hour later near the high school, sending them into the state of lockdown during finals. Someone called in a report of a young man walking toward the school with a gun. Turned out to be an air soft gun, but I'm just saying...
I did find this bright new idea for any of you Stepford sub inhabitants: order one of these life size cardboard cops. Isn’t he hot? And the next time you can just take him down the driveway with you instead of wasting taxpayer money having non crimes investigated. And as a bonus you might not scare off any really cool potential neighbors.
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Reader Comments (10)
On the plus side, you just saved yourself the pain of living near a crazy person.
Heh. Stepford. Good word choice.
There are Gladys Cravitzes in every neighborhood. You just don't have to live next to them.
Personally, I'd break into nice homes JUST to get decorating ideas as my wife and I are interior decorating zeros! This is one reason why I frequently get addicted to going to open houses.....for ideas....This is what I'd tell a cop if he caught me lurking around a different neighborhood.
I DO agree with the economy the way it is...the cop at your day today seems like a waste of law enforcement resources.
Could you not have just shown him the pictures you did take with your camera? Evidence! End of interrogation.
Glad you are staying put! Maybe this gal's husband has had her tailed in the past or she has had him followed. Otherwise why on earth would you think that someone is taking a pic of your CAR?!? I can see why she might be upset if it looked like you were stalking children, but a car?
Maybe you should have invited the officer in for coffee and donuts and make a friend on the force.
Have a great weekend!
Good grief. That woman is a total nut. Even worse, the police officer. She has no expectation of privacy for her car, publicly parked in the street. Anyone can snap a photo of it, any time. So the fact he rang your doorbell is umm, concerning.
this is too funny. a few months ago i had about the same incident with the livonia police. i guess i was driving "recklessly" and i had the cops called on me. they came to the house (and i was the only one home thank god) and said that someone had said i was driving crazy... the cops said it happens all the time and that people just have a difference of opinion. seriously? hey crazy people who call the cops like this or when they don't get their order right from mcdonalds... they are police officers for a reason... we need them to stop criminals not for your own private task force.
You should have gotten really friendly with that police officer. Fixed him a delicious lunch....got him in the sack...whatever.
If you were to ever find yourself in the position of an abnoxious nault and water again, the outcome could be totally different, and you could use a friend in the police department.
Me Too!
Reinventing Dad- thanks for stopping by. I visited your place but not allowed to leave a comment because I don't fit in any of the available catagories (blogge, aim, typepad, etc).
Mother- I wonder how many of the babies we blog with know Gladys Cravitz/Bewitched? Feeling old.
Lawyer Mom- you don't happen to have a license to practice in Michigan? Seems like need to keep a attorney on speed dial.
Favorite sister in law - your vacation seems to have made you giddy, or is that some kind of pharmaceutical sunshine you could share?
Middle Aged woman- I like the white picket fence as much as the rest but I also like neighbors who let their freak flag fly every now and then.
wow--that woman is wacko! i can't believe the po po came so quickly. yeah, i think i'd avoid that neighborhood. they'd probably make you drink the kool aid or something.