Banking "Fun"damentals

The decision has been made that it is high time I change my perspective on some of the everyday annoyances that come my way. I’ve convinced myself that I need to find the fun in my day so when faced with frustration my head won’t pop off.I spend an awful lot of time waiting in my day to day routines and it’s not that I don’t have a fair amount of patience, but I really am a bit obsessive about efficient use of time.

I’m not a very good waiter when it comes to standing in line. Now waiting in a room with a chair to sit in doesn’t bother me at all because I can bring a book to read, play a sudoku, text a few people or clean my purse out as a way of occupying myself. Sometimes I’m disappointed if I’m called in before I’m done with my chosen task.

The standing in line kind of waiting is a whole different animal. I’m not a good chit chatter, that seems like a waste of time. Don’t ask me "how are you?" if you don’t really want to hear how I am doing. I like the new self check outs at the grocery stores, now that they seem to have worked a lot of the bugs out. I’ve long been a pack my own groceries type while the cashier is checking me out, I’m all about moving the process along so I can move on to the next thing. Sometimes, especially when you’re trying to get through the self check line with some wine or beer, it can become a bit of a time suck waiting for the cashier to notice you and punch in the code. I’ve become proactive and start waving them down before I run the bottle through the beeper, because we all know once you do the red light will come on and you can’t check out the rest of your stuff before they come clear you.

My most recent perplexing incident occurred on a trip to the bank. I don’t make too many of these since we do most of our banking online, but sometimes it can’t be helped. In light of my scathing commentary from last fall entitled, The Only Action In Town where I explored the mystery of the only building construction going on in metro Detroit seemed to be associated with the hyper-proliferation of new banks on every corner, only to be repeated again every few miles. I knew back then there was something rotten in Denmark and now it’s evident that these big bank corporations are big stinkers

Keeping that in mind, I made my way into a local bank and there was a casual friday theme going on with every employee wearing Red Wing (NHL Detroit Hockey team) t-shirts. I manage to get myself in line, although there was no tidy line with the velvet ropes as there should have been. I’m there attempting to do a favor for one child who wants me to deposit money she owes her brother into his account and I’m getting annoyed since there is not a clear line formed and each time a few new customers wander in my “next in line” status is threatened.

I am then approached by a tall lanky guy in blue jeans and a red t-shirt. (Oh no, now he’s expecting some chit chat). Then I notice his employee name tag as he starts in on me:

Bank Concierge Guy : How can I help you?

The Mayor:  I’m just here to make a deposit. (by moving this blasted line along)

Bank Concierge Guy:   Do you have an account with us?

The Mayor: Yes, at another branch. (Why do we need to waste bank resources paying this guy to do PR or concierge us?)

Bank Concierge Guy: Are you familiar with our online banking system?

The Mayor: Yes, quite familiar. (What’s he trying to sell me?)

Bank Concierge Guy: Were you aware you can move money between accounts using our online banking?

The Mayor: Yes, but that is not what I am doing. I’m depositing money into my son’s account. (now I’m getting those frownies on my face because he’s vexing me.)

Bank Concierge Guy: Does your son know how to use online banking?

The Mayor: Yes, but I need to make a deposit, I am not transferring money. (This guy is like a dog with a bone, leave it alone already.)

Bank Concierge Guy: Does your son have direct deposit?

The Mayor: This is cash (I flash a $100 bill in front of his face in a huff). I just need to deposit it into his account. (Now the bank guy has the frownies on his face, do you think he’s not familiar with cash anymore?)

Bank Concierge Guy: The next available teller can help you.(Too bad you don’t just jump behind that counter and help me yourself buddy.)

The Mayor: (This was so much fun I can’t wait to do it again.)

Why on earth do we need to be hassled by the bank concierge, it’s not that big of a place. It seems like a ridiculous use of manpower. You built a bunch of banks around here and when we come in to use them you seem hell bent on convincing us that we don’t really need to come into the bank.

Now I’ve seen the concierge concept work well to improve efficiency in a few places that have really high volume and can be confusing like at the airport. Getting in the right line at the airport is important. But at the bank? There’s not all that much to do there and I’ve never had more than say 6 other customers there with me. After all, people are using direct deposit and online banking. That’s why my previous inquiry of why are they building so many banks around here was relevant.

I’m just a house bag with a high IQ (drives my husband crazy that mine was higher than his, but he married me anyway) and a Bachelors of Science degree. I tend to have a lot of these private conversations in my head, that is why I have a reputation for being nice. If I spoke everything I thought, well, not so much.I don’t have the answers for the financial industry but I can certainly identify nonsense when I see it , and at the bank they are full of it.