Pirelli Snow Tires

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Why do men like the things men like? I just don’t think it’s very practical to have to buy another set of tires for the winter season. Especially when you’re already making an obscene lease payment on said car. I mean it was a Audi A8 and I appreciated the fact that it handled really well in the snow since we live in Michigan. At that time we lived in Northern Michigan, way up at the tip of the ring finger (you know when you hold up your hand to represent the state and point to your town’s location.) In addition due to our Lake Michigan location we got lake effect snow most days all winter. At least it seemed like everyday. The season begins in mid October and lasts until May and It seems like eternity when you’re trying to survive the winter up there.

I have to admit it was a pretty bad ass car and it garnered some attention in parking lots around the state. Once I was innocently trying to go into Petco to pick up some dog food when a gentleman stopped me and peppered me with questions in regards to my ride. Turns out he was a veteran auto exec and he just really got excited about the fact I was nonchalantly doing errands in that year’s model that had won Car of The Year. Only in the Detroit area do these things happen. It was kind of like driving a celebrity, but at the time I had 6 kids at home (the last 2 only 15 months apart) and I was just trying to enjoy a child free afternoon.

Now I like cars. I am pure bred southern NASCAR fan. But did you ever notice the more high tech gadgetry your stuff has the more likely it is to malfunction? After my shopping expedition I returned home. I pulled the superstar car into the driveway, unloaded the car and was quickly engulfed with every crisis that had occurred during my absence. It was utter chaos while my husband was locked in the bedroom on the conference call of the century. A few short hours later everyone was sleeping peacefully as I listened to the rain pour down outside. While taking the dog out early the next morning I saw that I had unfortunately left the driver’s side window down. Uh oh. I kicked into high gear and beach toweled that car like crazy thinking,“he’ll never know.”

Later that day, my road warrior husband was packed up ready to head downstate and on to the airport. He was also taking my daughter’s best friend home to Detroit on the way. We all waved good bye and kicked back for some well deserved rest. It is a uniquely summer “up north” ritual that we were observing, the Sunday return of the workforce to reality. I had not even finished my lemonade when my husband called to say something bizarre was happening with his car and he was literally pulling into the Audi dealership for the emergency. Having to leave his baby there for service, we got him another vehicle and off he went. I don’t know why men get so worked up over stuff like this, these things happen, just move on to plan B.

According to my daughter’s friend who was lucky enough to witness this event firsthand, while they were cruising along on the way out of town the car seat electronics started going crazy, repeatedly moving the seat back and forth, literally smooching my husband into the steering wheel! A moment later it reclined itself all the way back and refused to be budged. It was in this state when he pulled into the dealership. The only thing I had to say about it was “how weird!”. I used that well practiced dumb blond routine to convince everyone that I could not imagine why that would have happened. But I was laughing so hard my teenagers quickly surmised I knew more than I was telling.

Who would have known this prince of precision German engineering could not take a little water without pitching a fit? Did my 1976 AMC Gremlin ever complain when I accidentally left the windows down? No it did not, it just kept motoring along with it’s 21 gallon gas tank, vinyl seats, no radio and no air conditioning. The Gremlin (brand new for $2000) cost me the equivalent of 2 monthly car payments for that sniveling puss of an Audi. Who cares if the GPS Genie could give you audible directions in 5 different languages if it cannot function under some minor water damage. Damage is an exaggeration, the electronic circuits were fine once they dried out.

I finally confessed to my teenage son, the only other male member of our entourage, what had happened. At 19 he was the “go to” guy for our household since the elder male was preoccupied with traveling and work. Ever since he got his license he assumed all responsibilities for auto maintenance, purchasing, the whole shebang. He called our trusty Audi mechanic and once he swore him to secrecy he relayed the whole sordid story of the driver’s cockpit getting very wet. Andy said that saved him a whole days worth of labor diagnosing what had happened. 

Well, the Audi A 8 is no longer a member of our motor vehicle harem. It went back to the dealer when the lease was up. Now all we have as a memento is this set of premium Pirelli Winter tires with custom rims that were taking up space in our storage locker. Observe the luster and tread on these babies. If you happen to have an Audi A 8 send me a note because these pups are going on E-bay this week.

Bounty & Booty

I have spent years resisting my brother in laws  suggestion that we spend some quality family time at Detroit's Eastern Market.  It goes something like this: "We can all get  up early....." You see he usually loses me right there because after so many years of sleep deprivation and my current struggle with insomnia, "getting up early" is never something I associate with having fun. He's a truck driver for a local company and starts his day on the road before 4 a.m. so his idea of "not too early" is a bit warped. He also is a wanna be tour director, constantly trying to plan and execute excursions whenever we are somewhere out of town together.I find this endearing. The problem is his propensity to try to control every minute detail of said activity down to timing how long we take for bathroom breaks, when and where we can eat and herding us through attractions in unison according to the timetable that exists only in Jeff's head, and this I find extremely annoying. This usually leads me to put on my "you are NOT the boss of me" attitude and I have that down to a science. Let's face it I have had 27 years of learning from the masters (6 of them to be exact) of that subject.

I am announcing it right now, I was wrong to resist this excursion. We recently negotiated a time that was acceptable and trucked on down to the market last Saturday morning. We all had a great time shopping for locally grown produce and visiting various shops to enjoy an incredible selection of cheeses, spices and fresh bakery products. The flower market portion was breathtaking. The vendors are mostly from Michigan, some from Indiana and Ohio and they come in every imaginable shape and form. From grizzly and grumpy to informative to downright showmen. It was all a sight to behold. I feel like I found a treasure 30 minutes out of my suburban zone. I was fascinated by the sights and the BBQ smell going on. I only gave Jeff a half hearted hesitation to go in and have breakfast at one of the local landmarks, Zeff's Coney Island. Within 2 minutes of squeezing us into the 1950's style booth in the back, we were welcomed to share the newspaper and we all got chatting about the newest misdeeds of Mayor Kwame. Breakfast was awesome, especially the spinach and feta omelette.The greek salad was heavenly with this outrageously creamy feta cheese they use. I could watch the line cooks from my seat and all the food coming off of the line looked fresh and good. Nothing fancy going on at this place just plain good freshly cooked food and a lively crowd all squeezed in to enjoy it.

The last  30 minutes was definitely  dedicated to the people watching opportunities  that surrounded us at every turn. I'm  sure in other venues I may have gotten arrested for stalking this family to get  a good picture of the cutest  bum I saw that day,  but what the hey, we are in Detroit. And I am happy to say we enjoyed the historic finds in the hood that particular day. Wouldn't you know it the strangest find I made was to run smack into my next door neighbor whose brother had drug him down there , only they had breakfast at the also well known  Vivios where they are served bloody mary's as well their meal.  I think we will definitely try out that recommendation next time. I could always use a little liquor fortification when dealing with my overbearing cruise director. Imagine his surprise if I broke out singing  "The Love Boat" theme song instead of giving him hell for his bossy technique.